I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
