But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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