I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize