i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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