Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
