I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
