the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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