if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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