PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
