tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
