He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
