And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
