I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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