I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
