Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
