I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
