If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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