Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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