Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
