I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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