I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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