His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
