where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
