I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
