told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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