I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize