ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Panties = found
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