she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize