New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
