i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
