Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
