I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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