How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
