That's when you crack a 10am beer
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
