its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
