Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
