if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
