I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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