I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
