i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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