Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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