6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
