I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize