my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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