I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
false alarm, still single
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
