I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
