Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
