I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
