that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
