someone threw a dead crab at me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
