when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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