pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
