I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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