i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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