just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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