Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
