Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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