I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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