im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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