And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
