I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
