i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
