Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
