wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
