I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
