The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
