Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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