You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
