Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
