dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
