im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
