Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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