I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
should my penis look like a turkey
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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